Newborn up all night and you're short on sleep. What helps?

If you are worn out from newborn nights, what helps most is more sleep, more rest and more hands-on help. Newborns wake at night because they need to be fed, and the shortfall lands on the parents: in a German study of more than 4,600 parents, mothers slept about an hour less a night in the first 3 months after the birth than before pregnancy. Simple things that help are resting when the baby sleeps, taking turns at night with your partner or family, eating regular meals from all the food groups and keeping water close, and letting others take over chores. If low mood carries on, gets worse or feels hard to cope with, or you cannot sleep even when the baby is asleep, talk to a doctor or nurse.

This article is about the first months with a newborn. For tiredness from looking after toddlers and older children, see Worn out from parenting and it keeps piling up. What helps?

Why are the first months with a newborn so tiring?

Because newborns wake to feed around the clock, parents' sleep comes in short pieces, and the shortfall builds up over weeks.

Newborns sleep a lot, but in short pieces

The NHS explains that most newborn babies are asleep more than they are awake, with total daily sleep that can be around 18 hours. But babies wake during the night because they need to be fed. So the baby's long total sleep comes in short stretches around the clock, and so does yours.

Every baby is different, so these are rough guides rather than targets.

How much sleep parents lose

Richter and colleagues used a large, population-representative household panel in Germany. Between 2008 and 2015, 2,541 women and 2,118 men had a first, second or third child and reported their sleep each year.

Sleep was at its lowest in the first 3 months. The figures come from Germany and from what parents reported in yearly interviews, so they may not match Thai families, whose living arrangements and help from relatives may differ.

What makes it harder

The NHS lists not getting enough sleep, stress and looking after a new baby among the common reasons for feeling tired. In the first weeks, parents are also recovering from the birth, learning to feed, and fitting in visitors and check-ups.

How do Thai families manage newborn nights?

Many Thai babies sleep in their parents' bed, and Thai mothers who have more support from those around them are more likely to report good sleep.

Many babies sleep in the parents' bed

Anuntaseree and colleagues at Prince of Songkla University interviewed the parents of 3,692 babies aged 21 days in the Prospective Cohort Study of Thai Children:

Sharing a bed was more common among mothers who were older or had more education. The study was published in 2008, using data collected before then, so habits may have changed.

Support from family and friends

Kim and colleagues ran an anonymous online survey from July to October 2021 among 840 women in Thailand up to 6 months after giving birth. About 57% reported high social support. Women with high support were more likely to report good sleep quality, good health and getting advice from peers or family. The survey took place in 2021, when contact with family and friends was limited, relied on what women reported online, and shows links rather than cause.

Fathers' share of the care

In a study of 230 Thai fathers of young children, Sriyasak and colleagues found that fathers' confidence in their childcare skills, how childcare was divided between the parents, and satisfaction with the marriage together explained 53% of the differences in how involved fathers were. The study looked at fathers of young children rather than newborns specifically, and at links rather than cause. Separately, the NHS suggests sharing the nights with your partner if you can (see below).

How can parents get more sleep with a newborn?

Rest when the baby sleeps, take turns at night, and count your sleep across the whole day.

Rest when the baby sleeps

The NHS advises trying to rest when your baby sleeps. It can be tempting to catch up on housework, but sometimes rest is more important, and you can set an alarm if you are worried about sleeping too long. For how long a daytime nap should be, see How long should a nap be, and when?

Take turns at night

The NHS suggests several ways a partner can help:

Keep your own routine where you can

The US CDC recommends 7 or more hours of sleep a day for adults, which is hard with a newborn. Count total sleep across the day, not just the night, and aim for at least one longer stretch. The NHS says regular exercise can help you feel less tired, and suggests getting out for a walk every day with your baby, even if it's just to the shops. In Thailand, the cooler early morning or evening may be easier.

Is there anything simple to add when the tiredness builds up?

Sleep, rest and help

The simplest things to add are more sleep, more rest and more help. Ask for something specific: "Can you take the baby from 6 to 8 a.m. on Saturday?" works better than "Let me know if I can help."

Regular meals from all the food groups

When your hands are full, meals get skipped. Use Ramathibodi Hospital's 2:1:1 healthy plate, recommended by the Thai Health Promotion Foundation, as a rough guide: half the plate vegetables, a quarter rice or other starch and a quarter meat, fish or eggs, with fruit as a snack once or twice a day. Food you can eat with one hand, such as a banana, a boiled egg or sticky rice with grilled chicken, helps during night feeds. Keep a bottle of water where you feed the baby.

If you use any product or medicine

If you take any medicine or health product, or are thinking of starting one, ask a doctor or pharmacist first, and tell them if you are breastfeeding.

Is it OK to fall asleep with my baby when I'm exhausted?

The NHS says the safest place for your baby to sleep is a separate cot or Moses basket, clear of toys, blankets and pillows, and that you should never fall asleep with your baby on a sofa or in an armchair. When you are very tired, it is easy to fall asleep with the baby in your arms, so it helps to know the NHS advice on safer sleep for babies:

• place your baby on their back to sleep, with their feet at the foot of the cot
• for at least the first 6 months, put your baby in a separate cot or Moses basket in the same room as you for every sleep
• do not sleep on a sofa or in an armchair with your baby
• do not share a bed with your baby if you or your partner smoke, have had 2 or more units of alcohol, have taken recreational drugs or have taken medicine that makes you drowsy
• do not share a bed if your baby was born before 37 weeks or weighed under 2.5 kg at birth

If you do share a bed with your baby, the NHS advises:

• a firm, flat mattress, with your baby lying on their back
• keeping pillows, sheets and blankets away from your baby
• no other babies, children or pets in the bed at the same time
• not leaving your baby alone in an adult bed

Because bed sharing is common in Thailand, talk this through with the nurse or doctor at your baby's check-ups, especially if you often fall asleep while feeding.

When should I talk to a doctor about tiredness or low mood?

Talk to a doctor or nurse if low mood carries on, gets worse or is hard to cope with, or if tiredness affects your daily life.

Feeling low after the birth

The NHS says feeling down, anxious or irritable for a few days after your baby is born is very common, and usually goes away within 2 weeks of the birth. But if it continues, gets worse or you are struggling to cope, it is important to get help. Low mood can also begin during pregnancy, soon after the birth, or up to a year after, and fathers and partners can be affected too.

Talk to a doctor or nurse if

• low mood, worry or irritability carries on, keeps getting worse, or you are struggling to cope, even if it is less than 2 weeks since the birth
• you start to feel this way later, at any time in the first year after the birth
• you cannot sleep at night even when your baby is asleep
• you feel tired all the time
• you have felt tired for a few weeks and are not sure why, or the tiredness affects your daily life

You can raise this at your own check-up or at the baby's check-up and vaccination visits.

Get help straight away

If you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, get help now: call 1669 for emergency medical help, or the 1323 mental health hotline, free and open 24 hours a day.