Worn out from parenting and it keeps piling up. What helps?

Tiredness from looking after young children builds up because sleep comes in short pieces, meals get skipped, and there is almost no time that is just yours. The simple things to add are more rest, easy food and more help: rest when your child sleeps, split night duty with your partner or family, keep food you can eat with one hand and a bottle of water nearby, step outside for a short walk, and let relatives, friends or local services take some of the load. If you have felt tired for a few weeks without knowing why, or your mood stays low, see a doctor.

Whether you are up every two hours with a newborn or chasing a toddler all day after work, "I'm exhausted" is something almost every parent says. This article draws on the UK's NHS and Thailand's Department of Mental Health to explain why parenting tiredness piles up, what you can add to your day without much time or money, and when it is time to talk to a doctor.

Why does tiredness from looking after children keep building up?

The NHS lists looking after a new baby, along with not getting enough sleep, stress and life challenges, among the common reasons people feel tired all the time. With young children, several of these happen at once and keep going for months, so one good night does not clear the backlog.

Sleep that comes in short pieces

Babies wake to feed, and toddlers wake from bad dreams, coughs or a wet nappy. Even if the hours in bed add up, sleep broken into short pieces does not feel like a full night. The NHS says night-time waking won't last forever and babies sleep for longer stretches as they grow, but in the meantime the gaps add up.

Skipped meals and snacking on the go

Many parents eat whatever is left on the child's plate, have only coffee until the afternoon, or eat dinner standing up at nine at night. The NHS suggests eating regular meals and healthy snacks every 3 to 4 hours rather than a large meal less often, which is hard to do when the day is shaped around someone else's meals.

No time that is just yours, and no real break

So "rest" while the child sleeps often turns into housework, and the tiredness rolls into the next day.

How can I get more rest when my sleep is broken?

The aim is not a perfect night, but more rest in total and at least one longer stretch of sleep.

Rest when your child sleeps

The NHS advises trying to rest when your baby sleeps rather than catching up on housework, and suggests setting an alarm if you are worried about sleeping too long. Even if you cannot fall asleep, lying down in a dim room counts. For older children, the afternoon nap or the time after they go to bed can be your rest time too, instead of your chores time.

Split the night with your partner or family

The NHS says a partner can help with feeds if your baby has formula, change nappies, or dress the baby in the morning so you can sleep longer. Once breastfeeding is going well, a partner can sometimes give expressed breast milk at night.

In many Thai homes, grandparents live nearby or in the same house. Agree on who covers which hours ahead of time, so it does not depend on who wakes first.

Keep a routine for yourself too

The NHS suggests going to bed and getting up at the same times when you can, aiming for 6 to 9 hours of sleep, and keeping screens away in the hour before sleep. With small children this will not always happen, so treat it as a target for nights when your child sleeps well, not a rule. If you need coffee to get through the morning, the NHS notes caffeine can last up to 7 hours in the body, so keep it to earlier in the day.

How can I eat and drink properly when there is no time?

Tired parents often skip meals because cooking and eating take two hands. Plan food that is ready to eat and easy to grab.

Food you can eat with one hand

Put a plate of these where you feed or settle your child, so you can eat while you sit.

Cook once, eat several times

A pot of clear soup with vegetables and tofu, braised eggs and pork, or a curry can be portioned into boxes for the fridge or freezer. Cooking a big pot of rice and freezing it in single portions saves another step. If you buy food from a stall, choose a plate with rice, a protein food such as fish, chicken, egg or tofu, and vegetables, rather than only fried snacks.

Keep water within reach

The NHS suggests 6 to 8 cups or glasses of fluid a day, and says you may need more if you are breastfeeding, in hot weather or active for long periods. Water, milk, and tea or coffee all count. Pale yellow urine is a sign you are drinking enough. In the Thai heat, keep a bottle by the bed, in the nappy bag and next to the place you feed your baby.

What can I do for myself when there is almost no time?

A short walk and some daylight

The NHS suggests getting out for a walk every day with your baby, and says even a single 15-minute walk can help you feel more energetic. A morning walk round the soi with the pram, a trip to the market with your toddler, or sitting outside in bright shade all count. In the midday heat, go early or late in the day.

Ten minutes that are just yours

The NHS mentions taking time to relax and doing things you enjoy. Have a shower without hurrying, listen to music, call a friend, or sit and drink a coffee while someone else watches the children. Ask for that time out loud, rather than waiting for it to appear.

If your tiredness is mostly about heavy mornings and afternoon slumps, see Hard to get up and tired by afternoon. What can I do?

Who can help share the load?

The NHS suggests asking relatives or friends to watch your baby while you nap, inviting someone to stay with you for a few days so you can get more sleep, and asking for practical help with shopping, chores and childcare.

Family and friends

People often want to help but do not know what to do. Ask for something specific: "Can you take her for a walk on Saturday morning so I can sleep two hours?" or "Could you bring a pot of soup on Wednesday?"

Local support in Thailand

• When you take your child for check-ups or vaccinations, you can tell the nurse or doctor how tired you feel and ask where to get support near you.
• Local health centres and community health volunteers can tell you what is available in your area.
• Other parents, from your child's nursery or an online parents' group, can share tips and take turns watching the children.
• The Department of Mental Health's 1323 hotline offers free advice 24 hours a day if you are stressed, worried or feeling low.

When should I see a doctor about parenting tiredness?

Tiredness from broken sleep is common, but it is not something you simply have to put up with.

Signs to talk to a doctor about

Low mood after the birth

The NHS says feeling down, anxious or irritable for a few days after giving birth is common and usually settles in the first 2 weeks after the birth. If these feelings carry on beyond that, keep getting worse, or you feel you cannot cope, talk to a doctor or nurse. This applies to fathers and partners too. Talking about how you feel with your partner, a friend or a family member is also a good first step.

Get help straight away

If you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, get help immediately. In Thailand, call 1669 for emergency medical help or go to the nearest hospital. You can also call the 1323 mental health hotline at any time of day.

Before your appointment

Note down roughly how many hours you sleep and how often you wake, what and when you eat, how long you have felt this way, any medicines you take, and who helps at home.

If you are breastfeeding, ask a doctor or pharmacist before starting any medicine.